correctiveshoes621

Awwww, my dear, dear friend.

Miss Sue P, with the beautiful freckly face (I can see you solemnly and precisely pointing out each scar and how it happened) and lively hazel eyes and that smile - that smile! - that just lit the whole room - Where do I even @#$%^ begin?

SO much love.

So forward-thinking; just a beautiful, wise and enlightened soul - I'm so fortunate to have met you. So tough, you'd been through SO much, and yet, you were so fragile. Such a tender heart. And yet...h i l a r i o u s; I remember when you told that new orient that you'd just gotten out of prison and she believed you! L O L + infinity. You were never just a resident. You were my friend. Damn, Girl.

From the deep, deep south and 92 years old..you literally screamed and clutched your pearls when you found out my mother was possibly voting for..That Thing...And Pox 'News' gave you nightmares..I will miss you so very much; I'm just @#$%^ absolutely gutted - and yet, happy for you. I will miss our talks - about God or the lack thereof; of becoming stars - I remember your eyes, round with the wonder of a child, as I made, 'tinklyfingers' when we talked about molecules rising...sparkling. I was privileged to be witness to this, your epiphany, and it came at such a perfect time - always like that with you. In synch, and both of us with a touch of 'the gift', lol..I remember your nightmare about a plane crashing..two? three? days before my trip...dun dun dun..and your stories about growing up and picking berries; I can hear the cicadas buzzing.

When you spoke, I always heard a little of my grandmother in your sweet twangy accent, and you knew that ♥

I know you and Miss Reenie are dancin' it up with those men in the trees..

Happy Thanksgiving to all those that celebrate <3

All that remains is the return trip to Philly, tomorrow, to pick up my passport, then, some last minute laundry/packing. Then, I fly out on Sunday, the 27th..Touch down in Frankfurt, Germany for a few hours..then, on to Birmingham, which is huge.

My daughter. Made me look up schedules online, and *gave me a hundred dollars cash* to take the train to Solsbury Hill. I get a bus to Batheaston, from Bath, blah blah blah..

Yes, I cried.

If we time it right, I will be there at sunset..Twilight, the Magic Time *goosebumps*..when we saw that, we just looked at each other and I knew that she knew.

Christmas gift, indeed. LIFE gift.

You should see the hotel that Anita has booked for us in Manchester. Pretty lah-dee-dah. The Cure will be playing on the 28th, right across the street...and WHOO-HOO! I'M TAKING THE CUREJACKET ™ FOR HER TO WEAR AT THE SHOW.

I can't freakin' wait.

Wow.

If this becomes real, if it really becomes true - what I've wanted my whole life, since I was six years old - - I MUST go for it. There seems to be so little left for me, here, but a long slow slog unto death.

As my dearest friend said, "I can't think of a better happy ending for you."

Getting down to the wire, here, with this #$%^&* trip. It's cost me way-y-y too much to be worth it.

So, of course, my computer's self-destructing and the clutch burned out of my car.

Oh, and you haven't LIVED until you've given CPR to someone who's obviously already long-passed..

Another hero sleeps. Godspeed, Edgar Mitchell.



Now, there are only seven human beings left that have walked on the moon.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edgar_Mitchell

http://noetic.org/

This is so weird to me; so unexpected.

I'm actually happy, and it's such a long unfamiliar feeling.

Wednesday night, Pete - for the thousandth time in liEk thirty years - asked me to marry him, again.

It just popped out. I said, "Okay."

I blame the Orion Nebula.

Okay - talk me down, ppl.

I talked to an amazing couple from Texas at the grocery store and am seriously thinking about becoming a....trucker.

WTF is holding me, here?

Yeah, I'm terrified of semis, in general - but the money. The Life on the Road - I would love it. Annnnnnd the money. At the rate I'm going...where I'm at - with most places being the same horrific, degrading, hardcore stress-filled, no-thanks, safety-violation-filled crap - - this may be a viable option to, a) save actual money to retire, b) preserve what's left of my health - and back/hip, in particular. The arthritis is really getting the best of me, lately - and with winter, coming..

There's just no way to work full-time, doing what I'm doing, where I do it - and do nursing school. I know. Time to face it, though.

She did say to wait until spring, because that's when most classes start - ? - sounds good; she also said what companies to watch out for...and SHE was the driver, in the family. Not the husband. HER.

So. You never know. Yee haw.

Did anyone else get an email re: "You haven't posted to lj in awhile, please take our survey" email? Granted, it had been three days - but Big Brother thought I needed to talk to them about it..I didn't really have any beefs/suggestions, but it did make me realize how much I value LJ and YOU PPL and its format, here. So the answers to their survey were of the, "I LOVE YOU, PLEASE DON'T CHANGE OR KICK ME OUT'-variety, really. And I meant it.

Also, granted, I *have* been spending a lot of time on Twitter..but you can blame The Astronauts/Scientists/Musicians/That Norman Reedus Guy for that..and ffarff, who is also there.

I will try to do better. It's just that my life, lately, has been no life, at all, and much with the suckage. It's been work/exhaustion/sleep/worry/stress/pain/work/depression/exhaustion/work/stress/worry/pain, and on and on and on and trying to find some reason to carry on with it all. Work is probably literally killing me, and I've got some decisions to make, here, coming up, in regards to that - before they're made *for* me - and few options...and yay, who wants to hear all that? Even *I'M* bored with my own piddlin' drama. Sheesh. The creativity and magic that used to be ever at hand have become bitterness and self-inflicted alienation - o, how cliche', of me - and when I'm not enraged, I'm flat-line zombified and can barely function.

Rag, rag, rag. Toldja.

I guess what I meant was - LJ is coming back to life for me, with the return of some writings, and one particular person that I'd recently reconnected with...so glad they're back, as I've missed them sorely and have always felt a strong kinship with them.

Life. Or the lack thereof. How to get back - is it even possible? Have things gone too far in the wrong direction? Too many areas to count, there - and things seem to be speeding up, all around me. I've noticed that I've systematically shut the door on numerous people, one by one, that used to be safe places for me. Too much trouble, being sociable? Or too much trouble, constantly giving? Or too much trouble, trying to make them understand?

They've finally made it impossible to do my job. Due to an accident on another shift, we are now not allowed to do care/transfer ANYONE that is a 'two-assist'. I have 20 'two-assists' (out of the present number of 34 residents) on my wing, and they ONLY schedule ONE CNA. Me. So, if I do my job? I'm fired. If I don't do my job? I'm fired. And the thing is? I *know* in my heart that if I quit? INSTANTLY, they'll schedule two on that wing.

Saw, San Andreas, and it was typical. CGI-wonderland with minimal plausible plot, but that's the formula, these days, and it was a fine example of such. As a palate cleanser, finally saw, The Basketball Diaries, and it was really good. Got me both thinking and remembering. Started to watch, The Man In The Iron Mask - it was a DiCaprio kind of night, I guess - but fell asleep.

Dreamed I was on a plane with a resident who is currently ready to 'travel' - Miss I - and I was helping her decipher the menu that a really rude stewardess was holding. THEN, a dream of ANOTHER one, my sweet Mary B - wherein she got a new room mate who was crocheting, and had these uncannily huge blue eyes.

What woke me? Someone deep inside, shouting my name. I literally woke up like a shot, wondering who it was. All in my head.

Fuckin' A. Of COURSE. Entire pint of Earl Grey? Meet laptop. The end.

-- until I can afford another. Auf Weidersehen, ya'll.