(no subject)

[correctiveshoes621]

Waaah, waah, waah.
Please feel free to skip.



I hate being uneducated. I hate being stupid. Or, moreso, being 'paperless'.

I hate when people just assume that I went to college, and the look on their faces when I tell them I didn't.

I hate not having good stories to tell about dormrooms and lectures or whatever the hell college-educated people talk about. As I said, I wouldn't know.

Sure, there's the fact that neither Robert Smith nor peter gabriel went to college. But it doesn't change the fact that the rest of the world HAS, and with them? I'd have nothing to talk about..nothing of import or wit or value to add.

It's all I've ever had, really. My brain. It was my THING, being 'smart' ('cos my sister 'got the looks') - skipping a grade and winning scholarships and all that bullshit..but, now - at this age, it's caught up to me - and it's driven home to me DAILY how pathetically unwrinkled, stomach-turningly smooth my brain has become, by comparison.

And OH, HELL, YEAH; I hate the MOST ironic fact that the one person I really, really admire came from a privileged, yuppie, private-schools-into-college background - which is exactly what I MARRIED - and RUINED MY LIFE...and told me endlessly to just forget becoming educated and being more than..well, more than THIS.

I couldn't even hold a conversation with this person. Not, really.

OH, and 'O the Irony' #572?

If I TRIED to go back? If I TRIED to become 'educated'?




I'd fuckin' *BE* Jerri Blank. And that makes me sick to my stomach.

...and even Chuck Noblet is smarter than me. What's THAT tellya?





I get SO SO SICK of women at work who yammer on endlessly about their kids, their kids, this great recipe for whatnot and their kids..."Little Braden did this..and little Chelsea did that..", and wonder why they think that THAT is the ONLY thing that they've ever done of import and is THEREFORE...ALL THERE IS.

I mean, even cockroaches can procreate. I did. Twice. But I just can't imagine that there isn't MORE.

It's the only thing I've ever wanted. To be MORE.



...and then? I talked to Bev on the phone. Who's going through chemo for third-stage Hodgkins. And feel even WORSE.

The NERVE of me.

So, PLEASE. No sympathy.

Comments

[indiwise.livejournal.com]

You brat; you made me teary.

*squishes*