(no subject)

[correctiveshoes621]

...and, I'm still restless.

Got a lovely 'last hurrah' NY strip on the grill, with thick-cut grilled onion - a rare treat; simple, and yet satisfying..something. What, though? That I can occasionally afford such things so casually? Maybe; I mean, come ON. As tightly strapped as I always am, I am STILL much better off than the average earther, and need to remember that. So I will go to the food bank NEXT week, if need be - still holding out from going, though it's another Bills vs. Food paycheck, this time around. So. We get creative. It blows my mind that there are still people in the world that never give this sort of thing a second thought.

Got lucky:

Read some AMAZING LIEK EFFIN' LITERATURE shatnoy pr0n.
I know.
But, my GOD. These people are TALENTED. DAY-um. And, thankfully, deliciously perverse.

Had enough quarters left from the last time to do tonight's load of scrubs and sundry - AND to refill three jugs of water at the machine. Huzzah. I actually still enjoy the laundramat - tonight, I thoughtfully slow-chewed more of my way through, 'Vulcan's Glory', by DC Fontana - courtesy of the lovely gayalithiel. Some people around here need to hang their towels to dry and use them more than once, though. :)



I know that I should be, 'lonely' - I mean, any 'normal' person in my position would be, right? Yet, I guard my solitude FIERCELY, and, yeah, sometimes it's selfish, and sometimes it's licking wounds, but it's how I put myself together again after the actual toll of Facing Life and Other Hard Work. It has to be, and I'm not going to apologize for it - and I must retreat before I disappear completely.

I have a constantly running inner dialogue - not like actually 'hearing voices' or, 'talking to myself' - just a constant flow of thoughts and impressions and ideas - some strong, some barely formed - and NEVER STFU-ing. And not much conducive to sleep, meditation or other regenerative relaxation.

HUSH. I MEAN, CHRIST. Yes, even YOU:

It's with hobbling baby steps that I follow that bereavement chickie's advice and am, 'gentle' with myself, and, 'do things I enjoy/for myself' - IT'S A LOT HARDER THAN YOU THINK, LOL! TRUST ME. To shrug off that constant shadow of Guilt-Luggin' Martyr Extraordinaire is like losing a limb, here. It feels like Laziness. Like Self Indulgence. It feels like Letting Things Slip.

*lays around like a slob, eating INCREDIBLE steak and watching silly things*

Poor baby, no?

Comments

[z0mbiem0m.livejournal.com]

<3

[foxykc.livejournal.com]

I had climbing lessons with the guy who was Shatner's stunt double on that free solo scene at the beginning of Where No Man Has Gone Before.

[indiwise.livejournal.com]

OMG. FULL STORY, PLEASE.

(You and he seem to run in much the same circles, at times, dear - wow.)

[foxykc.livejournal.com]

Not much of a story -- Bob Gaines has a business called Vertical Adventures and I had some climbing weekends with him some years ago andhe told me that story. Bob and anybody really who has that kind of skill often rig up stunts and stuff for the movie industry.

[foxykc.livejournal.com]

oh, and i have to tell you this. Many many moons ago, like 1980 or something like that, I remember being at a dinner for George Takei (he was friends with the Trekkies I ran with in San Francisco) and I was introduced to slash for the first time. Frankly, I think Kirk/Spock is wrong on so many levels I don't know where to begin. My buddies were not only that, but Starsky and Hutch slash if you can believe that.