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Jul. 29th, 2004 07:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
correctiveshoes621Work Stuff.
The worst night I have ever had there..and there have been some pips. I was thrown onto C Wing because of Teh B..and was utterly out of my element. Simply horrific. Beyond my worst imaginings, and that is saying something.
I *hate* feeling useless. I *hate* not knowing stuff.
(The shit hit the fan two nights previous..when we ALL had a coming out..a meeting of the minds; after discovering just HOW much she was stabbing us ALL in the back. She actually *bald-faced lied*..and said that we 'all went on break together' -- which is untrue.
ABSOLUTELY UNTRUE.
And I have a witness -- as I was doing catheters, while Tracy caught a smoke -- zooming through the hallway, and one of the nurses was there..and I asked her a question. She even walked past me HERSELF, and asked where Tracy was...she was looking to make Tracy do one of the hardest rooms on her wing...'because the smell made her sick'..anyway. It ALL CAME OUT..FROM EACH OF US.
IT IS ONE THING TO HAVE A PERSONALITY CONFLICT.
IT IS ANOTHER TO HAVE 'AN ATTITUDE'.
IT IS ENTIRELY DIFFERENT TO IMPUGN SOMEONE'S PROFESSIONALISM.
But it doesn't matter, apparently; as she is Cathy's pet..and that is ALL that matters. To make matters worse...Cathy HEARD us all bitching about her last night after we found out she lied. At least it was not just me.
She didn't have the balls to come to work last night. But she will be there TONIGHT. ON *MY* WING.
Please don't let this be a permanent thing. Please don't let her take my people.
I am SURE that Teh B had gone to Cathy, saying that I was some sort of ringleader -- WHEN I HAD SAID TO NANCY, 'I AM NOT GETTING IN IT, BECAUSE SHE AND I DON'T GET ALONG, AND IT WILL SEEM A PERSONAL VENDETTA.'
This is SO unfair, it is unreal.
SHE IS ON *MY* WING. WITH *MY PEOPLE* TONIGHT.
SO, I am cast aside...and have to work on C Wing again.)
I *know* that I have to be flexible. I *know* that that is the only way I will *get* to know these people. That is the attitude that I went in there with last night. An attitude of humility, of wanting to learn.
And as soon as I walked in the door, and we were all at the desk receiving report...I found out that Josephine had died yesterday morning.
No one had told me. It was an utter shock.
I turned on my heel and walked into the Nutrition Kitchen -- as I was not on B Wing, and did not *have* to listen to their report -- I just *wanted* to, to see how 'my folks' were.
God. Josephine. My little china doll. Christ.
I know she is okay now, I know she is where she should be. I know she is not hurting. She was all of 77 pounds when she died, with this leeetle teeeny warbly voice and sparkling dark eyes, and the most delicate, spidery hands you have ever seen...So beautiful...So tiny...I could literally lift her with one hand to change her....God, I loved going in her room to see her. The worst thing is..she was getting BETTER, she really was. She had the most gentle, sunny attitude.
I had to be professional. I could not just fall apart. But I can cry NOW, right?
Doods. It hurts; it fucking hurts. GodDAMNit. I will miss her. FUCK. Her room is empty. I went over and made sure they took her name off the door. It was gone.
The one girl who took my place on my wing last night had to shower my man, God love her. He was bitching his head off as she wheeled him into the shower room..and I was standing at the desk, doing charts. As he went by, protesting, he pointed at me, yelling, 'ASK HER! SHE KNOWS! ASK HER!'
I still have NO idea what he was talking about.
Fuck.
I need to sleep, but have to take my son to his friend's house at ten. So please disregard this all, as I go on about my way, and answer yer posts with a smile and an attitude of nonchalance. But believe me. It is utterly false today. Utterly fucking false.
The worst night I have ever had there..and there have been some pips. I was thrown onto C Wing because of Teh B..and was utterly out of my element. Simply horrific. Beyond my worst imaginings, and that is saying something.
I *hate* feeling useless. I *hate* not knowing stuff.
(The shit hit the fan two nights previous..when we ALL had a coming out..a meeting of the minds; after discovering just HOW much she was stabbing us ALL in the back. She actually *bald-faced lied*..and said that we 'all went on break together' -- which is untrue.
ABSOLUTELY UNTRUE.
And I have a witness -- as I was doing catheters, while Tracy caught a smoke -- zooming through the hallway, and one of the nurses was there..and I asked her a question. She even walked past me HERSELF, and asked where Tracy was...she was looking to make Tracy do one of the hardest rooms on her wing...'because the smell made her sick'..anyway. It ALL CAME OUT..FROM EACH OF US.
IT IS ONE THING TO HAVE A PERSONALITY CONFLICT.
IT IS ANOTHER TO HAVE 'AN ATTITUDE'.
IT IS ENTIRELY DIFFERENT TO IMPUGN SOMEONE'S PROFESSIONALISM.
But it doesn't matter, apparently; as she is Cathy's pet..and that is ALL that matters. To make matters worse...Cathy HEARD us all bitching about her last night after we found out she lied. At least it was not just me.
She didn't have the balls to come to work last night. But she will be there TONIGHT. ON *MY* WING.
Please don't let this be a permanent thing. Please don't let her take my people.
I am SURE that Teh B had gone to Cathy, saying that I was some sort of ringleader -- WHEN I HAD SAID TO NANCY, 'I AM NOT GETTING IN IT, BECAUSE SHE AND I DON'T GET ALONG, AND IT WILL SEEM A PERSONAL VENDETTA.'
This is SO unfair, it is unreal.
SHE IS ON *MY* WING. WITH *MY PEOPLE* TONIGHT.
SO, I am cast aside...and have to work on C Wing again.)
I *know* that I have to be flexible. I *know* that that is the only way I will *get* to know these people. That is the attitude that I went in there with last night. An attitude of humility, of wanting to learn.
And as soon as I walked in the door, and we were all at the desk receiving report...I found out that Josephine had died yesterday morning.
No one had told me. It was an utter shock.
I turned on my heel and walked into the Nutrition Kitchen -- as I was not on B Wing, and did not *have* to listen to their report -- I just *wanted* to, to see how 'my folks' were.
God. Josephine. My little china doll. Christ.
I know she is okay now, I know she is where she should be. I know she is not hurting. She was all of 77 pounds when she died, with this leeetle teeeny warbly voice and sparkling dark eyes, and the most delicate, spidery hands you have ever seen...So beautiful...So tiny...I could literally lift her with one hand to change her....God, I loved going in her room to see her. The worst thing is..she was getting BETTER, she really was. She had the most gentle, sunny attitude.
I had to be professional. I could not just fall apart. But I can cry NOW, right?
Doods. It hurts; it fucking hurts. GodDAMNit. I will miss her. FUCK. Her room is empty. I went over and made sure they took her name off the door. It was gone.
The one girl who took my place on my wing last night had to shower my man, God love her. He was bitching his head off as she wheeled him into the shower room..and I was standing at the desk, doing charts. As he went by, protesting, he pointed at me, yelling, 'ASK HER! SHE KNOWS! ASK HER!'
I still have NO idea what he was talking about.
Fuck.
I need to sleep, but have to take my son to his friend's house at ten. So please disregard this all, as I go on about my way, and answer yer posts with a smile and an attitude of nonchalance. But believe me. It is utterly false today. Utterly fucking false.
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no subject
Date: 2004-07-29 05:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-29 06:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-29 06:43 am (UTC)Hang in there, Indi. The powers of Good will prevail.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-29 04:19 pm (UTC)you are doing your best and that's what matters more in the end. i'm with you 100% even though there's nothing i can do about the situation. *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2004-07-29 04:37 pm (UTC)How is the Revrend?