Definitely not Drahmah. Just sayin'.

[correctiveshoes621]

I leaned on the balcony rail, inhaling the night.



Deep breaths; measured breaths. Arms tight around myself, I pushed my thoughts down, down, and away and concentrated on breathing.

In the next instance, he was there, and I was busted. I was outed. The chorus of faraway crickets seemed to pause at his arrival, then continued, nervously.

'You have to stop this, Woman,', he said quietly, as he put his arms around me, with a sigh, 'Nothing has changed from before..and doing this to yourself will not change things, either.'

I bristled a bit, annoyed that he read me so easily. I started to speak, but he cut me off, 'I know what's going on, now..Yes..at this very moment..I know, I know..'

He lifted his hands to massage my temples, 'Put it out of your mind. Let it go.'

'Outdated feelings..outdated and worn and not doing much but adding pressure to you both. This is the very last thing she needs, right now, and you know it. Obviously, things are to be kept light, kept free - Can you even DO free?..You'd better start, as there's no solid ground, here, even if it was warranted..Even if it was wanted. No one wants to wear your leaden coat, Woman...I'd assumed that that's what I'm here for..'

I turned into his embrace, and looked up at him. His eyes were sober yet warm, so full of understanding.

'But you don't know what it's like, sometimes, not being able to help..not being able to BE THERE - '

' - Oh, don't I? How many years was I forced to watch you drown in that nightmare of a marriage of yours, Woman? While you let the world cow you down and tamp down that fire until you were barely recognizable, hmm? Don't TELL me I don't know what it feels like.'

'It's not the same, peter brian.'

'I know it's not. Not even remotely. She loves him, Lauren. And you like him an awful lot, yourself, at times, hmm?'

Again, I went to speak, but he put his fingertips to my lips, 'Stop it. Shhh. Butt. Out. You cannot 'rescue' someone that doesn't need or even WANT 'rescuing', little one. So just put that silliness out of your head. It's NOT the same thing.'

I pushed my face to his chest, burying it in an effort to hide my tears.

'Lauren? Those few fleeting days you two had were a gift. Remember that. You want to be an oasis for her - from all her stress - a safe place to hide..NOT a prison. NOT an obligation. Be grateful for what you had, Woman.'

'But they're...fucking..right now..as we speak..and that's something that I can never ever Goddamned do..', I groaned.

'That's true, Woman..that will not ever change..did you think that your little playtime could ever replace that?'

I ignored him, 'Logically, it's HEY - GOOD FOR YOU! GET SOME!, but inside? It...kinda hurts. I know its just some stupid aftermath or something, and that I'll get over it, but..dammit, peter brian..'

'Do you want her not to be able to tell you these things? Hmm?'

'No! Not at all -'

' - Well, then you'd best get over it. Now.'

' - but he doesnt treat her right, sometimes..at all - '

' - and you COULD? Really, now. Let's get real, here, Woman..Even if it was something she wanted? Society would certainly have its' say - this is no Utopia, not even close..and there are others to consider, here..And could you support her? In the style in which she's accustomed? Get real..You cannot even half support yourself..', he sighed, 'Oh..my little dreamer..my little romantic..', he frowned, 'Let it go. Let HER go..It's time...at least in this way. Come on. You know what's right and what's wrong, here. This, too, will pass.'

I started to relax in his arms. Nothing I could do but ride this out.

'Hey..Just sayin'..', he breathed against my hair, '..if THEY'RE fucking, right now...what are WE doing, standing here, moaning about it?

We could, you know..be making a little...ruckus, ourselves..', his hands ran over me, caressing me tenderly, gentling me,

'...and for the first time, in quite a while? While THEY'RE busy..it will be just us. Imagine that.....I've no problem with that, do you..?'

I shook my head, and he frowned, 'What? What is it?'

'You're still not...real.', I said, softly.

He chuckled, and squeezed me tight, saying, 'Well, that may be so..but, for now? It's all you've got. And I, for one, am going to enjoy it while it lasts...until someone REAL comes along and maybe 'rescues' you away from me..'

He takes my hand, and kisses it, and then leads me back into the Master Chamber..