correctiveshoes621: (*ache)
[personal profile] correctiveshoes621
"And then, 'Bare', by the Cure, came on my iPod."

I really am still recovering from the past almost thirty fucking years. I can pretend that it never happened - better, still? Pretend that I had no hand in it. Go on seeking numb..Go on, seeking redemption; sure. Just go on doing whatever you gotta fucking DO to go on, just DO it; just GO ON and shut UP about it, already. I'm sorry; just so fucking sorry - but I will NEVER forget ANY of it, and that's probably what will kill me, eventually. Yep. Still a bit of a gaping wound about it; yeah. Still so fucking monumentally messed up. LiEk, to my very core. It was, what? Three years ago, on the third.

Shock. Surprise.

How fucking dare you take The Cure from me, too?!? You bastard.

All this was brought to you by the innocent query by a long-former, barely-known classmate who looked at my profile and noted that I'd checked, 'Widowed', as my 'relationship status'.

Poor guy.

I've been sitting here, for two hours, putting off answering him, because I FUCKING CAN'T. I ACTUALLY CAN'T. He's a really nice person and I don't want to do this to him, so I'm doing it HERE. Lucky you. ♥

Date: 2012-05-06 08:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hierokeryx.livejournal.com
FB shouldn't even exist, really.

Date: 2012-05-07 03:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] indiwise.livejournal.com
I'd love to delete mine, but now, exactly, would not be the time. Soon, though. At least, before June.

Date: 2012-05-07 04:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hierokeryx.livejournal.com
I've been thinking of doing that as well. At the very least, putting something up to say that I don't check FB, so please don't expect to contact me there. I just can't deal with it. For many reasons. For those situations, and because I can't stand to see people I know performing on there, you know? Showing off, sucking up, racing to post about whatever's cool with the crowd they're trying to run with now. And when I look away from that, people I feel guilty for avoiding, people who are successful and happy and have their life figured out. I mean, I don't even want a two-car garage, but man it makes you feel small. Ugh.

I hope you managed to figure out something to say.

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