(no subject)
Jul. 15th, 2004 07:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
correctiveshoes621O.M.G.
HI, NOIPEH!!!! LONG TIME, NO SEE! WOW.
Work stuff.
Well, I don't even know how to even begin with this -- how to express it, really. It sounds so banal here, writing about it..but, it wasn't.
Maybe I am more tired than I thought.
The good Reverend is still with us. I went into his room, and..well, I know we are painfully shorthanded. I know this. However, I do not know if it is because we were short, or whether due to his frail condition -- and numerous tubes, etc. -- that people are afraid to deal with him..I don't know. I *do* know that NO ONE. NO human being should have ever been left in the condition in which I found him last night on first rounds. Let's just say that his bowels and bladder are still working, okay?
Anyway, the poor soul was completely -- and I mean completely -- sodden and soiled from shoulderblade to near knees. Complete bedchange and gown change. This is no problem for me..but the fact remains. I was *furious*.
So..I got his bed/brief/pad/gown changed/back washed, talking to him all the while -- apologizing, like; and was moistening his mouth...and he took my hand.
He took my hand, man. And when I looked into his eyes, it was like...damn, how do I say it...it was like he was this calm island in the midst of a maelstrom. All this foolish clutter and clamour..all this busybusy SHIT going on all around him DID NOT EVEN MATTER. Like, things were movingcrazy all around him, but he was in this calm place of clarity..and the body DID NOT MATTER, anymore -- 'cos he was still in it, yeah..but it didn't matter. It was just a thing -- and a thing that was now HOLDING BACK what he really was, like. He did not need it, nor did he care. But he communicated something to me, he did. I don't know if it was thanks or even some simple kind of understanding..but, it was like, he didn't care that he was 'in that state', but appreciated my caring. And that it was useless for me to be so damned angry.
I don't know, but it moved me. It moved the hell out of me...and changed my perspective on things a lot. I know I will never forget it.
Still thinking on it.
HI, NOIPEH!!!! LONG TIME, NO SEE! WOW.
Work stuff.
Well, I don't even know how to even begin with this -- how to express it, really. It sounds so banal here, writing about it..but, it wasn't.
Maybe I am more tired than I thought.
The good Reverend is still with us. I went into his room, and..well, I know we are painfully shorthanded. I know this. However, I do not know if it is because we were short, or whether due to his frail condition -- and numerous tubes, etc. -- that people are afraid to deal with him..I don't know. I *do* know that NO ONE. NO human being should have ever been left in the condition in which I found him last night on first rounds. Let's just say that his bowels and bladder are still working, okay?
Anyway, the poor soul was completely -- and I mean completely -- sodden and soiled from shoulderblade to near knees. Complete bedchange and gown change. This is no problem for me..but the fact remains. I was *furious*.
So..I got his bed/brief/pad/gown changed/back washed, talking to him all the while -- apologizing, like; and was moistening his mouth...and he took my hand.
He took my hand, man. And when I looked into his eyes, it was like...damn, how do I say it...it was like he was this calm island in the midst of a maelstrom. All this foolish clutter and clamour..all this busybusy SHIT going on all around him DID NOT EVEN MATTER. Like, things were movingcrazy all around him, but he was in this calm place of clarity..and the body DID NOT MATTER, anymore -- 'cos he was still in it, yeah..but it didn't matter. It was just a thing -- and a thing that was now HOLDING BACK what he really was, like. He did not need it, nor did he care. But he communicated something to me, he did. I don't know if it was thanks or even some simple kind of understanding..but, it was like, he didn't care that he was 'in that state', but appreciated my caring. And that it was useless for me to be so damned angry.
I don't know, but it moved me. It moved the hell out of me...and changed my perspective on things a lot. I know I will never forget it.
Still thinking on it.
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}