correctiveshoes621: (*ache)
Hey, all. I'm sorry I've been so non-existent, on here, but if it matters, I've been pretty non-existent in real life, as well. The loss of Frankie has slammed so many doors shut in me - yet, has also opened so many worm-cans, I could start a fucking psychiatric bait shop. And, one of the worst things is, my filter seems to be irrevocably broken. I'm feeling things HUGE and telling people *exactly* what I think, and that is - let's face it, folks - never, EVER good.

If it helps, also, I've bailed from Twitter and my 'real' Facebook, as well. I thought I was okay with it, but all the, 'Yay! We're all going to see the Cure!'-posts are just fucking too much for me.

Too many things are suddenly just OVER. Time to move on, move on, move on.
correctiveshoes621: (Bill)
Did anyone else get an email re: "You haven't posted to lj in awhile, please take our survey" email? Granted, it had been three days - but Big Brother thought I needed to talk to them about it..I didn't really have any beefs/suggestions, but it did make me realize how much I value LJ and YOU PPL and its format, here. So the answers to their survey were of the, "I LOVE YOU, PLEASE DON'T CHANGE OR KICK ME OUT'-variety, really. And I meant it.

Also, granted, I *have* been spending a lot of time on Twitter..but you can blame The Astronauts/Scientists/Musicians/That Norman Reedus Guy for that..and [livejournal.com profile] ffarff, who is also there.

I will try to do better. It's just that my life, lately, has been no life, at all, and much with the suckage. It's been work/exhaustion/sleep/worry/stress/pain/work/depression/exhaustion/work/stress/worry/pain, and on and on and on and trying to find some reason to carry on with it all. Work is probably literally killing me, and I've got some decisions to make, here, coming up, in regards to that - before they're made *for* me - and few options...and yay, who wants to hear all that? Even *I'M* bored with my own piddlin' drama. Sheesh. The creativity and magic that used to be ever at hand have become bitterness and self-inflicted alienation - o, how cliche', of me - and when I'm not enraged, I'm flat-line zombified and can barely function.

Rag, rag, rag. Toldja.
correctiveshoes621: (Ralf)
Whine, whine, whine.

You can't pick yer family, right? Right? But you CAN pick to stay out of it, you CAN pick pseudo-sanity.

I've been out the outside since the day I was born; do not expect it to change, anytime, soon.
correctiveshoes621: (Jeux)
Okay. Yes, some fucking megastorm is coming. I know. We all know. My workplace started calling me at NINE-THIRTY - got home at seven-thirty - this morning, badgering me about when/where/how I was getting in there, and did I need a ride (before FOUR PM., MIND YOU - AS *IF*) or was I going to try and make it on my own, etc, etc.

Fer fucksakes. Let me fucking sleep. No one - including them - knows when this shit's gonna start.

They told us all to, 'pack a bag.' They think we're going to work at least a double..triple...who knows, at this fucking point? It's not enough that I take care of 36 people BY MYSELF, NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AFTER NIGHT?
IT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT YOU SCHEDULED FIVE FUCKING PEOPLE TO RUN THE WHOLE GODDAMNED FACILITY OF 125 BEDS. KNOWING WHAT WAS COMING. YOU INCREDIBLY, COLOSSALLY, MINDBENDINGLY STUPID FUCKS.
Oh, and make sure to bring money/toiletries because all (food, etc.) will be taken out of our paychecks.

Might as well stay, as God only knows what I'll be coming home to. No electric? No water? No net? Starved cats? Roof caved in? So, see ya when I see ya, guys.

I welcome death, and that's really only kinda half-joking.


Oh, and Happy Birthday, pg.
correctiveshoes621: (MerryNASA)
Good grief.

I was actually going to do the Ye Olde End-of-the-Year-Each-Month's-First-LJ-Post Meme thing, but looking back? JEEZ, what a year of whining and bitching and anxiety and stress and blackened iron-wrought negativity - OMG, SO HEAVY - and - CHRIST, I apologize. This shit has got to stop. Just cut the crap.

*Boots 2013, on its way*
correctiveshoes621: (hay king)
Fuck winter! Fuck pipes! Fuck mud! Fuck spiderwebs! Fuck double-sided tape that doesn't stick! Fuck picky/itchy insulation! Grrrrr! Whine!

 photo tumblr_mo19p96VvW1r0o12to1_500_zps165954f2.jpg
correctiveshoes621: (Andy2)
I'm getting so I hate training new people. Number one? They almost never stay, once they get a taste of what we really do, and of what's expected. I was told to basically LIE and not tell them that they WILL end up, at some point, doing a wing alone. This latest example? Well.

a) Has a second full-time job, which means I'm pretty much dragging a 250 lb. weight around with me, all night..

b) Major language barrier. I told him to PLEASE tell me if he doesn't understand something, NOT to just nod and smile and pretend he does. I can get by in other languages besides english, so lay it on me, if it's a problem.

c) Seems to disappear a great lot. Yes, I know that you are capable of wiping a butt, BUT you are to stay with me, your mentor, to learn what ELSE is required - and yes, I know it's a lot and said so, several times. I've been patient. And yes, I know that that other CNA is prettier - and I don't blame you for wanting to follow her around - but she is from dayshift and their routine and imperatives differ greatly.

d) The Input/Output sheet is NOT to be torn up to give other employees your phone number. You're married, anyway; we see your ring..

Tonight, buddy, we're going to see how much you've listened. I've written notes on your sheet MYSELF, since you didn't seem to think these things were important, and I've done the lion's share of the work, in order to not, 'scare you away' - I'm very, very easygoing, and yes, I know that speed comes with time and that precision and details are more important, at this point, but - GAH. Time to step it up.

Thank God the weekend starts tomorrow.

In other news:

 photo tumblr_maywtmvVgF1rcip06o1_400_zps2d118fcb.gif

ETA: Indigenous Elders and Medicine Peoples Council Statement on Fukushima, October 31, 2013:Read more... )
correctiveshoes621: (hay king)
9THERNG OOMSA SAM G aNsasOkay -s nowyou all can laugh. Still TRYING using the, .'on-screen' keyboard, as, a)p when I typ.e a letter, 'n' - it shoaoasts back to the first word typed and SAMOrandomly innserl ts , it, B] still no caps, c) when I type, 's', I get, 'sa' - D] RANDOM LETTER 'Q'S, E] WEIRD WINDOWS POP UP - LIKE 'AUTO-CORRECT'-TYPE THINGS - as you can see, it's a disaster.

No Control whatsoever. SAMONG OTHER PROBLEMSA!
NNNN
NOW THE ONSCREEN ONE IS FUBARED, AS WELL, BUT FOR CAPS, I SUPPOSE.

SO, I'M NOT SCREAMING AT YOU ALL. REALLY.

FIFTY BUCKS-WORTH OF FOOD TO LAST US FOR TWO WEEKS. GOOD THING WE LIKE RICE AND POTSTICKERS - SOON WE WILL BE FORCED TO EAT CATS...DOING LAUNDRY IN THE BATHTUB, AND IT SMELLS SO GOOD! THANK GOD FOR ASTRONAUTS, MUSIC, AND DREAMS. TRYING LIKE HELL, NOT TO LET THIS SHIP SINK.

BUZZ STRIKES AGAIN:

*SHAKES HEAD*

correctiveshoes621: (Niles)
My, how this time off has flown.

For a, 'Last Day Hurrah', Pete wants to go somewhere - which probably involves an abandoned amusement park, somewhere...THEN, go back and, 'Pay the Piper' (his mother) by pulling HIS weeds...I'm going to do what HE did, really - a) no mowing, b) no weed-whacking, c) no heavy lifting, d) LOTS of critique/suggestions/direction, e) LOTS of walking around, hyper-adjusting rocks.....f) a bit of kneeling to spread mulch, g) a few weeds, pulled, h) branches, snipped (which really WAS amazing)..HA. We'll see how this goes..Not that I'm not grateful for his pushing/expertise, but let's get real. My back is no better than his, yet he still sees me as a, 'workhorse', because of my job.

He said he'd be ready by nine, and I'm still waiting.

*prays for rain*
correctiveshoes621: (Roberty)
On social media, as told to The Guardian in 2011:

“I’ve got a Facebook page, but I’ve never put anything on it. I’ve got a presence on all the social networks, in fact, but I’ve never once sent a message. I’m there because otherwise, someone’s going to pretend to be me. The idea of doing an interview nowadays ...I have no interest or desire in having a conversation with anyone other than the people that I know. I'm in the strange position of the world drifting away from me, but you know what? I'm actually quite content with that. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I don’t feel like, ‘Oh God, I’m being left behind.’, Robert Smith
correctiveshoes621: (drink up dreamers)
Blah, blah, blah - restless as hell, these days. I suppose that's to be expected, given that this is the month of my upcoming Birthday of Horror, but, damn, I'm feelin' that it's time for a change. I just don't know how to go about it, sans money..time..energy...those all-important things that seem to be in ever-dwindling supply.

Free time? What's that? When I do have free time - I waste it, it seems. Doing chores...reading...watching media...and, of course, on this box.

Sleep? What's that? I actually feel guilty when I can sleep.

The upside/downside of this age thing is that I suffer fools less. At work, with family, with friends - more and more, I'm letting folks know EXACTLY what I think. SO people seem to think that I'm, 'snapping/snappish' - and, most likely, a total bitch.
Tough.
I've lived my entire life for other people, it seems - and I'm kinda over it..though, I'm sure they'd all say the utter opposite. Of course, they would. Lose/Lose.

I'm tired of the poverty thing.
I'm tired of cats.
I'm tired of being responsible.
I'm tired of the abuse/scapegoat-ism at work.
I'm tired of being in pain/exhausted, all. the. fucking. time.
Wapakoneta is being pushed further and further from my grasp, and that realization actually made me cry, the other night. Bloody hormones.

Dan would have been forty-nine, today.

Easily my favorite version of this song. SUCH happiness, therein - with extended joyfully-singing little Volkswagens, at the end (starting around 06:31) - which, somehow..oddly...ALWAYS make me teary-eyed, for some reason:

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