Jul. 16th, 2017

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Such a gorgeous, if not balmy, night, out. Swam thru it on the way home from the usual end-o'the-weekend-off tasks - Laundry! Groceries! - and now, back to the lounging. I'm pretty much completely nocturnal after a decade and a half of night shift, lol, and it suits me.

I hate my phone; it never, ever stops.

Imagining all sorts of sordid things regarding Gary Numan.

Had a lovely couple hours out, last night, with Pete. Despite the usual cranky-old-ppl moments, we got on, and for a little while, it was twenty years ago -- Rolling, 'parade speed' through the winding Amish roads. Under the stars, and under the spell of these cds Frankie made for Pete before his death -- I can FEEL him, there, and it's quite obvious that he knew I'd always be, 'driving around somewhere with Pete' - you can tell that they were made with me, in mind. I will never, ever stop missing him, despite him STILL being all around me ♥





ETA: Pete just called. Just now. Somehow, the conversation veered right into Frankie's music into The-Day-That-Frankie-Collapsed into The-Day-He-Died...and srsly, I had to flat-out say, "I've not properly dealt with it, you know, and I don't particularly *want* to deal with it, actually, so.."

TAKE A HINT.

Annnnd, of course, he had to tell me about this dream he had. He claimed to have told me about it, but I don't remember it and am not entirely sure if that's, 'on purpose' or not -- something about seeing Frankie in this shadowy waiting room chair, looking very confused, putting his head down - and when Pete tried to talk to him, he wouldn't answer, blah blah..

I want to help Pete to deal with this, as it's obvious that it's always going to be A Thing. The stuffs we went through, the three of us, it will always be A Thing, and well, Pete's never going to let go of it, I don't think. I love all of us, and it's not Pete's job to, 'replace Frankie' or any of that - Everything, everything, is timing. The-Night-That-Frankie-Collapsed happened a mere couple of hours after Pete had spoken to Frankie, to tell him that his love, Harvey, had died of a heart attack...so fucking incredibly tragic. Arrrrgh, I don't mean to be telling everyone's business, but - damn.

ANOTHER thing I just learned, as well -- back in the day, Pete's car had an, 'Angel-A-Day' policy, and a picture of one of Charlie's Angels was put up just above the light over the rearview. A longstanding tradition, sure, but Pete told me the origins of it, tonight.

Apparently, it started back when I first caught-pregnant and was effectively *POOF/GONE/LOST/TORN AWAY* from the intense family-like circle of friends that had been my life, up until that point. So - whenever Frankie and Pete were together, sans me, they would put up a picture of *me* above the rearview, so that I could be with them. All these years, and he never told me this? Yes, I got verklempt. ♥

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